Passion
by Ichigo No Ki
Summary: It's Christmas and the host club decides to pay Haruhi a visit. Watching all the festivities, Kaoru can't help but feel alone until someone comes and changes it all. Yaoi. TamakixKaoru, slight HikaruxHaruhi. Oneshot.


**Warnings: Yaoi**

**Dedicated to Allie, Merry Christmas and sorry it's late. Though I'm sure a couple of days is better than eleven months... love you xxx**

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****Passion**

"Merry Christmas!"

"Oh God."

Big brown eyes blinked at us from the doorway, and we smiled brightly back.

"Merry Christmas!" the blondest of the group repeated once more, a dazzling smile upon his features. His optimism never failed to impress me. I couldn't be that cheery if I tried. Haruhi stared back at us, a vision of dismayed astonishment. We stood, non-moving, staring back at her.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded. Well, the answer would be that Tamaki had heard she was planning on spending Christmas alone, as her father was working and he's decided that the host club should go keep her company. Really, Christmas doesn't mean a whole lot to us; in fact we don't even celebrate it. However with Tamaki being half-French, Christmas was still important to him. And so we were standing on Haruhi's front doorstep waiting for her to let us in.

"It's rude to keep us waiting out here." My brother spoke up, sliding his arm around my waist as he did so. I moved closer to him, his hold was both comforting and warm at the same time and the heat radiating from his body offered protection. I leaned into him and he responded by holding me tighter. There was something deeply fulfilling and yet deeply lonely about our love. He was there in the night to hold when I was cold or scared, he sat with me as I cried and he was always there to give me excited hugs or gentle brotherly kisses. We knew each other inside our and for a while we were all each other needed. No one could ever take Hikaru's place in me. What we have is unique and irreplaceable. Most people will never find a love this deep with a sibling which borders on platonic and has more meaning than most marriages. It's a connection that can never be broken and yet despite this devotion, there's a certain loneliness to it.

At one point, Hikaru was all I had and all I thought I needed. But there was nothing else. He was the only person in my life and he would be all there is, but brotherly love only goes so far and there's a need in me for something to fill the void; someone to love me romantically; to dedicate my life to and yet retain the closeness I have with my brother, Someone to care for me and to know me in a way my brother can't. Lately something's changed between us. I can feel Hikaru starting to need something more than me; someone to hold in a way he can't hold me, to someone to kiss deeply, to make his heart race. No matter how much he loves me I can't provide him with the passion that both he and I desire and that's what's missing and making us hollow and alone.

I feel him turning to a different warmth and he's needing me less and less. And I'm left here – cold.

Haruhi reluctantly ushered us inside and within seconds we were put to work decorating her living room into a Christmas wonderland. There now stood a fibre optic Christmas tree on her coffee table; tinsel and fairy lights were draped over lamps, windowsills and doorways and mistletoe hung from the ceiling. After hanging a piece above the doorway, Hikaru turned to face me. The others' were laughing in the background as Tamaki had fallen off of the back of the sofa whilst sticking tinsel to the curtain rail. Hikaru leant in and brushed a kiss against my lips as was traditional, our eyes met and he whispered smoothly;

"Mistletoe." We smiled almost invisible smiles and returned back to work.

When the work was done and Haruhi's living room was fully decorated, we watched a film on TV as we ate a make-shift dinner of instant ramen. As the character's moved on the television screen, we talked.

"I'm fine being on my own. I don't celebrate this holiday." Haruhi argued. She was rammed between Tamaki and Hikaru on her sofa, whilst I sat on the arm next to my twin, Kyoya sat in the lone armchair and Hunny and Mori were cross-legged on the rug in front of us.

"You can't be alone on Christmas!" Tamaki scolded her outraged. Most people saw me as a mere extension of Hikaru and although we are similar in most ways, if you knew us well enough, though few do, they'd know that I'm quieter than my other half, and I'm slightly more rational than he. And it's because of this that I can watch people. I think I know more about the other members of the host club than they thought. I saw Kyoya smile at us when he thought nobody was looking; I saw when Hunny felt sad when no one saw behind his cute, child-like exterior and then feel elated when he realised that No matter what Mori always liked him for who he was; I saw Mori's anger when someone made Hunny unhappy and his blissful relief when Hunny would hug him; I saw the way Haruhi would relax around Hikaru and Tamaki but tense if she was with both at once and I saw the flicker of loneliness in Tamaki's eyes as he answered Haruhi and I knew what he really wanted to say was 'but I didn't want to be alone today.'.

"Aren't you having fun?" Hunny questioned looking back at her, his wide innocent eyes wobbling. She sighed.

"Of course I am." She defended and a bright smile grew across Hunny's face.

"Yey!" Hunny cheered clutching his bunny closer. Hikaru studied her for a while before replying.

"Then shut up so we can watch the movie." She turned to face him, a scowl across her pretty features.

"There's no need to be rude." She told him lightly. He turned to face the film as if to pretend that Haruhi's rebuke had no effect on him. But only I could see the way he bit his lower lip and his brow furrowed, and he sank ever so slightly into the sofa. It had affected him, more than he liked. And I could tell that the fact that she could bother him so much was killing him. Dutifully, I slipped my arm across his shoulders alerting him to my presence. He shifted slightly so that I could sit wedged between the arm of the sofa and him, even if it meant I was half on his lap, my shoulder resting on his. He laid his head back so that our hair touched and he carried on watching the screen. I fidgeted slightly, trying to get comfortable but still, I couldn't quite shake the sense of loneliness that settled in my heart.

After dinner, we insisted on aiding Haruhi in washing up. This in itself was uneventful. Though Hunny wasn't extremely helpful and it took a lot of cajoling on Tamaki's part to get Kyoya to help. That was until Hunny reached up to dry a plate when he managed to knock it so it fell on my currently bare foot. It hurt. Not enough for me to fall to the floor or be weeping in pain, but enough for it to sting as it bled. Haruhi rushed off to find plasters whilst Tamaki stood wide-eyed. Hunny cried his apologies from the comfort of Mori's arms and Kyoya stood and watched apathetically. I would like to think he would have shown concern for me had the cut been deeper; though I think it would probably only extend to him being worried about me not being able to be in the club which would destroy the brotherly love theme within the club which could lead to dramatic loss in regular customers. Hikaru's reaction was of course more emotional and rather more satisfying. He had rushed to my side and escorted me to a kitchen chair before fussing over the wound. He had stared at me, his face bloodless and afraid. His concern made me smile.

"Kaoru?" he had questioned quietly, looking at me with terrified eyes. I had smiled weakly at him. "Does it hurt?"

"Its fine, Hikaru. Thank you for worrying." I murmured back and I took his hand in mine. He stared down at our joined hands and I felt him shake slightly. I raised our hands to my lips and kissed his gently. "Hikaru, I'm fine." I assured him. He finally returned my smile, though he I still felt tremors in his hand. When Haruhi had tried to put a plaster on me, He took it from her. Their eyes met and she seemed to understand why he had done so. He cleaned the wound gently and placed the plaster over it. When he was finished I stood and he reclaimed my hand, this time, he was the one that pulled them to his lips and brushed them against my fingers. Familiar warmth spread through my fingers reminding me that whatever was missing from my life, Hikaru would still always be there for me. He was always there to protect me and his concern told me he would still love me. We shared a moment watching each other over our hands, eyes showing the subtle changes shifting in our emotions. That's when I noticed Tamaki over by the sink. He must have felt my gaze on him because he turned around, a massive grin placed on his face, though it didn't meet his eyes.

"I finished the washing." He announced. Hikaru raised an eyebrow and Haruhi thanked him warily. I saw his face had paled almost as much as Hikaru's had done and his eyes reflected deep concern for me and for a moment I was lost in the depth they held. And then it was broken in and instance.

"Can we play games now?!" Hunny asked excitedly breaking the peculiar tension in the room. Tamaki turned and smiled at him.

"Of course!" he replied and Hunny led the way back into the living room. And so we sat around playing Twister and charades as well as various card games. We also started playing monopoly although most of us got bored early on and quit, lapsing into general chatter and conversation, laughing and joking as good friends do. I joined in happily, forgetting about the confusing feelings welling in my chest and ignoring the excited beating of my heart as I joined in the banter between the other members.

Soon we drifted away to different parts of the room, having separate discussions and talks. And at some point we all congregated back to the centre of the room where we sat on the floor. That's when Hunny noticed that we were all sitting below mistletoe, and then forcing us to exchange reluctant kisses with one another. Or well, he conceded we should just kiss the people next to us which led to a cute peck from Hunny and a familiar brush of the lips from Hikaru.

We shifted out from under the mistletoe and once more began separate conversations. After a surreal discussion with Kyoya and Hunny about dreams, I suddenly felt very tired. Well for some reason, Hikaru had weird dreams that he couldn't remember but rendered him scared anyway, and so I had stayed up with him until he felt safe to settle down again. I stood and dropped onto the sofa, slumping into the middle cushion and leaning my head against the back. I closed my eyes and moaned with exhaustion wondering how much longer we were going to have to stay here. I drowsily lifted my head and pulled my legs up so that I could tuck them beneath me.

I watched the scene that unfolded before me. Apparently, Haruhi had somehow ended up under the mistletoe with Mori and Hikaru and had only kissed Mori. Therefore Hikaru was arguing with her over why she was refusing to kiss him, as Hunny and Kyoya talked nearby, Tamaki having just excused himself to the bathroom.

Hikaru and Haruhi could disguise it as irritation if they wanted, but I could tell they were enjoying arguing over this, almost as though they were flirting. My heart panged at the thought but at the subtly happy look on Hikaru's face and his slight pink blush as he kissed Haruhi briefly under the mistletoe. Though it was early days yet, I could see the potential for passion between them. And I felt something change between us two, once more. Hikaru had found what was missing in him, and one day I knew the passion would come for them. And the ache in my chest disappeared. I loved my brother and if he was happy then I had no reason to not be happy too. My own loneliness was nothing in comparison with my brother's wholeness and so it lessened slightly; for a second or two it dimmed and I basked in the warmth he felt in his heart for Haruhi and I smiled.

"They have feelings for each other don't they?" a voice asked from beside me. Tamaki stood in front of the sofa watching the pair over his shoulder.

"Yeah." I answered, still watching as they teased each other.

"Does it bother you?" He asked switching his gaze to look at me.

"No." I replied, flicking my eyes to look at his face. He raised his eyebrows as if he didn't believe me. "Look at how happy he is. As long as he stays that way, I'll be fine." I replied honestly. Tamaki's facial expression softened.

"You know you deserve that kind of happiness too." He answered. I smiled lightly at him turning my gaze back to my twin.

"I guess." I watched them a moment more as they now chatted animatedly to the remaining members before my vision was obscured. That's when I noticed two lips being pressed against my own. I closed my eyes, and leaned into the touch, assuming there was mistletoe above us. He pushed deeper, though still keeping it innocent, but I could taste him. He tasted so different from anyone else I'd kissed, and I felt something break in me, it was like the cage that kept my loneliness locked up inside me shattered, and I felt warm. This was different and new and it made me feel so…whole. I leaned further towards him, and I felt him do the same, I opened my mouth welcoming his tongue in my mouth, as it brushed against my own I felt a raw emotion rise from my stomach, constricting my heart, filling my lungs and bursting up through my throat so that my mind grew clouded and my brain locked down. And I felt it at last. Passion. Contained within our bodies. It was small but I knew it was there and it was growing with every second he kissed me. He pulled away momentarily hovering mere millimetres from my lips, before he pulled back completely. He knelt in front of me, watching me, eyes flickering across my face, trying to gauge what I was thinking. I blinked at him. Then I raised my vision to the ceiling. I stared confusedly at the bare white paint above me. No mistletoe. I looked back down, once again watching his face.

"There's no mistletoe." I spoke my thoughts aloud. Tamaki smiled.

"I know." I smiled back. He stood and moved to sit beside me on the sofa. He slid his arm around my waist urging me to lean back. I looked across the room as my brother sat next to Haruhi, happiness evident in every movement of his body, every syllable he spoke and every flicker in his eyes. And with one last yawn, I leaned back into the warmth behind me, and fell asleep in Tamaki's arms.


End file.
